Product review: break-up make-up balm by Goodness Natural Beauty Lab
A while ago I did a review on the Goodness Natural Beauty Lab’s Certified Organic Chia Seed Oil (you can read it here) and it impressed me so much, I decided I very much wanted to try their break-up make-up balm … and so I did!
One of the initial drawcards for me was the packaging – it’s so cute! I do love a good tin – especially because you can use it afterwards for all sorts of things; storing your earrings, making soy candles (well, I guess you can – I never have – but it sounds Pinteresty right?!) Oh – and I liked the name too – it’s clever.
The second thing that sold me was the product description:
“I’m a slick quickie at removing all sorts of make-up. With all the goodness of chia seed, coconut and avocado oils, your skin will be oh-so-clean and super soft”
And to be fair – they’re quite right! After using this product, my skin does feel oh-so-clean AND super soft! It also got my mascara off without stinging my eyes, and that is no mean feat.
I read somewhere too (and I don’t remember where) that it will “melt my make-up off” – I liked the sound of that and that’s pretty much what it does. It’s kind of a soft, wax-like substance that you warm in your hands before smooshing onto your face and then massaging it around a bit – concentrating on the areas that have the most make-up. Then you rinse it off and et voila – you’re done!
Wanna know another thing I love about this product? It’s cheap as chips! I bought mine at Farmers for $19.99 – and I’ve seen it on sale for $15.99. So good. It comes in an 80ml tin and judging on my rate of usage so far, I would say you’d get a good two months out of a tin.
The only drawback? And this is because I am DEAD LAZY. (Prior to getting this, I was removing my makeup with a wipe **chill out man, it’s not that bad!**) and so I thought I would use this stuff and then remove it with a wipe. So that’s what I did, but my skin felt a bit waxy and I got a horrible feeling when I was lying in bed that my pores could be being blocked as we speak … so I got myself out of bed and washed it off properly with water and a facecloth. So there’s that.
Anyway … this post needed more pics and I couldn’t be bothered taking one, so I am using this pic of me, “fresh-faced”, from a couple of years ago. Let’s face it, there aren’t many “fresh-faced” photos available for me to choose from – I tend not to keep them (!) so I’m gonna leave it to you to imagine I had used break-up make-up balm just prior to this photo. Thanks.
By the way, this product is vegan friendly, light-weight, non-greasy and contains chia seed oil’s winning 3:1 ratio of omega 3 to omega 6. (And yes, that was straight off the tin.)
And that, my friends, is my review. I hope you enjoyed and find it useful.
For the uninitiated, WOW stands for the World of WearableArt which, at its heart, is an international design competition that attracts hundreds of entries from all over the world. But it is SO much more than that; it’s essentially a visually spectacular couple of hours of fashion, frivolity, dance and all-out entertainment, and what could be better than that? Mumpty was very fortunate to attend this year and it was BRILLIANT from start to finish.
The star of this year’s show, and indeed the MC, was a rather camp, sarcastic and totally fabulous Bengal Tiger, created by the magicians at WETA Workshop. He was magnificent and spent the show sitting languidly on his rock overlooking the festivities below.
The Brancott Estate Supreme WOW Award for 2016 went to an entry from a New Zealand designer, Gillian Saunders, called “Supernova”. Mumpty was lucky enough to have WONDERFUL seats right next to one of the “spokes” of the stage, so she saw the intricacies of the designer’s creations up close, and let me tell you – Supernova was a sparkling, decadent creation which well deserved the win! Now Mumpty loves a bit of bling, and Supernova most certainly delivered on that front – it was glitteringly, light-catchingly GORGEOUS! Supernova also deservedly took out the Avante Garde section as well.
The show was, of course, based on showcasing the WOW entries and they did an incredible job of making sure each and every outfit was able to be viewed by everyone, no matter where they were in the venue. As I mentioned, I had a super-duper seat so I could see everything up close. If you’re going to attend, I really do recommend you spend a bit extra on good seats – you will appreciate it more – trust me. But it wasn’t just the outfits that were featured – WOW really is a extravaganza of entertainment and the show boys and girls went all-out to create a truly spectacular show.
I have to mention here, just briefly, Hannah Tasker-Poland. Until WOW, I had never seen Hannah dance live before, and she is, quite simply, ridiculously talented. Don’t want to gush, so I will stop there.
One of Mumpty’s favourite sections of the show was the Bizarre Bra section, where designers were tasked with reinventing the humble bra – and man, do some people have a wild imagination! Check this out …
Cool huh! Another of my favourites was two poached eggs, and the bit that went around the back was a metal spatula! Hilarious! And here is the winner of the World of WearableArt and Classic Car Museum Bizarre Bra section, “Come Fly With Me” by Julian Hartzog of the USA. The wings were mirror-like and sparkly and just fabulous.
The sets for each section of WOW were fantastic as well … check these out:
The golden tree prop was part of the set for the David Jones Avante Garde section – I loved it.
I do like angelic figures, and I particularly liked those globes they projected images on to; so clever.
And last but not least, because I could go on forever (and quite often do) and no one will read it anyway … is my personal favourite (after the super-sparkly Supernova of course) a little gem called Lippydeema by Daisy May Collingridge of the UK. Lippydeema is described as a “joyful creature who likes to dance when no one is watching”. I feel like she might be a kindred spirit!
So that was Mumpty’s experience of WOW – words can’t really describe it so I would recommend, if you ever get the chance to go, GO! I for one cannot wait to go again, and will be taking my daughter with me – she’ll LOVE it. And by the way, it’s not just for the girls, it’s a good one for the boys as well. You know how men like to work out how things are done? They can do that. And of course, the models aren’t entirely ugly either!
A special thanks to my amazing Mum and Dad who bought my ticket – I went to WOW with them and my sister and it was a fabulous experience – not to mention the rest of the weekend. Shhh … we visited WETA Workshop and here is a quick troll photo!
Recently I was gifted a bottle of the beauty-award-winning certified organic chia seed oil from the Goodness Natural Beauty Lab, and my goodness … it’s fab!
I’m not normally a face oil-lover to be honest; I’ve tried them in the past and they seem great for a few days (even amazing at first) but after that my skin starts to rebel and go a bit dry, and just meh. So I always end up returning to my trusty old staple, Nivea Soft. My skin could be likened to a cheap date … you don’t have to spend much on it to get the result you’re after! And that’s why I love my Nivea!
So anyway – I was interested to try this offering from the Goodness Natural Beauty Lab to see if it was any different to anything else I’ve tried. So try it I did … I’ve been using it nightly for about a month now and I have to say, I really, really like it. Firstly, it doesn’t smell bad – some of the other oils I’ve tried just smell a bit strong and I dunno … oily? I find this one doesn’t and I like that. I only wear it at night and I’m not sure if that’s the correct way to do it but I just feel like my makeup would probably slide off if I wore it during the day.
Of course I didn’t follow the instructions for long. The bottle says to apply it to clean skin – and I did that. But after a few days it just didn’t feel right applying only oil to my skin, so I hit on a plan! I get my good old Nivea Soft and then squeeze about three or four drops of my chia seed oil into it … smoosh it into my face, and voila! Happy, moisturised skin that feels glowy and kind of … pliable. Does that make sense? But it does – it’s sort of plump (in the best kind of way, not in a fatty girl kind of way) and it certainly feels hydrated and healthy. Basically, instead of looking like this in the morning …
I look like this …
OK – well, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but only slightly.
If you want to know more about chia oil and its many, many benefits, including its omega 3-6 essential fatty acids, its organic certification, the fact that its vegan and lots of other good things, go to www.goodnessproducts.com. You can also check out the rest of the range while you’re there … I think I’m going to give the break-up make-up balm a whirl next – if only for it’s clever name and pretty packaging!
Another plus for the Goodness range is that they use the word “smoosh” which totally legitimises my use of the term – making it a technical, real-grown-up-beauty-blogger term. Right?!!
And I’d just like to leave you with a little Mumpty Tip before I sign off … if you’re not loving the face oil you’ve purchased, don’t consign it to the face oil graveyard – use it on your décolletage. Lord knows we don’t want a wrinkly décolletage now do we?!
So … I have been to quite a few burlesque shows over the last few years, and I’ve also been backstage at many burlesque shows as well (by the way … it’s a marvellous place to be!) and so I’ve come up with a few tips which, if you follow them, will make you a stellar burlesque audience member. And I tell you what – as an audience member, you can make or break a show, so get yourself a wine and read on my sparkly friend!
Dress up – this is for your pleasure as much as the performers. You can literally NEVER be overdressed at a burlesque show – the sky is the limit – truly. And that is a very awesome and liberating thing …. think about it – how many occasions are there that you can indulge your love of sequins, fabulous headwear, glitter, tiaras and whatever else tickles your fancy?! PS: there’s quite often a competition for Best Dressed too … so get your fancy on!
Good etiquette … yes these girls (and boys) are here to take their clothes off – and don’t worry, they will. But if you call out obnoxious, drunken and stupid things like “show us ya *****” they more than likely won’t. Their job is to tease, tantalise and seduce you – not bust everything out, give it a shake and walk off the stage. Performers put a great deal of time, thought and effort into their acts, and they don’t need some drunken punter ruining it for them (or the rest of the audience for that matter). Having said that though …
Encourage them! … whoop, holler, whistle, clap, cheer. There’s NOTHING worse than an audience that sits there politely and doesn’t respond to the performers. There’s been many a time when I’ve been backstage and heard a performer come off stage, shaking their head ruefully and announcing “tough audience – hard to get them going.” Honestly, you will get a waaaaay better performance from them if you give them a bit of encouragement and something to play up to! And don’t be scared about them picking on you if you do that … they’re more likely to pick on you if you don’t!
DO NOT KEEP their things! If, during their act, you happen to have a costume piece flung at you, or near you – PLEASE for the love of God, DO NOT KEEP IT! Costume pieces are often handmade, cost a fortune or are difficult/time-consuming to replace. Costume pieces are an integral part of a performer’s act; a lot of thought and expense goes into them and they need them for the next time they perform. Performers in New Zealand don’t get paid much – it barely covers their rhinestones – they do it for the love of the performance and they certainly can’t be replacing costume pieces after every performance. If you do find something; either hand it to the stage kitty, who will be collecting the cast off pieces, or if you can’t do that, hand it to someone behind the bar or to the stage manager.
Embrace the inappropriate – burlesque is bawdy, comedic and sexy and it’s R18 for a reason. If you’re easily offended or have no sense of humour, do us all a favour and stay at home! But if you are up for a good night and can roll with the punches and innuendo (and let’s face it, not always just innuendo!) you are gonna have yourself a blast! One of my favourite MC’s, Piotr from Uzbekoslavia is totally inappropriate and it’s one of my favourite things about him!
Don’t take photos– a) it’s not your job – there is generally a show photographer hired to do that; b) the flash can distract the performers; c) performers have the right to control photographs of themselves in that situation and d) you’ll enjoy the show more, and annoy people around you less, if you just leave your phone in your bag.
Don’t expect Dita von Teese every time – burlesque is a wonderful, crazy, inclusive world where (mostly) amateur performers get to tease, tantalise and shake their booties a few times a year. They don’t have big costume budgets like Dita does; they don’t all have perfect bodies (and that’s the fun of it – they’re ordinary people like you and I) and they don’t have time to practice all day, every day. Burlesque is meant to be spontaneous and fun, and there are often bloopers – and they’re often the most fun parts of the show. Be kind and enjoy the spectacle – I can tell you, many/most performers are literally a bundle of nerves before they go on stage, where they somehow magically transform into the glamorous, confident performer you see. Trust.
So that is my guide to how to be a good burlesque audience member. Hope it’s helpful and remember – support your local performers by heading along to their shows whenever you can. They’re not expensive and you are pretty much guaranteed a fun night of entertainment, sass and the opportunity to dress yourself up to the nines!
So bust out your best burlesque ensemble and hop to it …
Three (more) things I’d buy a million times over, and one I wouldn’t bother with again …
Back in February last year, I wrote this post about three things I’d buy a million times over, and two I wouldn’t bother with again. So, back then I was thinking about some of the products I’ve purchased as a result of online “hype” and whether or not that “hype” was actually justified in the product itself. I’ve decided to do an updated version, but I only really had one that was just not worth buying again.
So – here are three things I would definitely buy over and over again …
Maybelline FIT Me foundation
I love this stuff …
a) It’s cheap – $24 odd in New Zealand – I got mine on sale for $16.
b) It’s readily available – I bought it in the supermarket.
c) It applies like a dream and leaves you with a gorgeous, dewy, medium-coverage finish – apply more and you’ll get full coverage.
d) It lasts super well.
e) It has a sunscreen in it – SPF18.
f) Did I mention it’s cheap and works just as well as its more expensive counterparts?
The drawbacks (don’t worry – they’re minor) …
a) It can get a bit shiny, but I believe they have a very good (and again, cheap) powder to finish it with.
b) It doesn’t have a dispenser which is a bit annoying.
c) There weren’t any testers at the supermarket *wink* – I’m sure department stores would have them though!
So go get it!
The Balm “The Manizer Sisters” palette
I reviewed it here (and wow, a LOT of people have read that post!) and I STILL love it to bits. I have all but run out of the Cindy-Lou Manizer so am going to be buying the full size version of that one very soon. Buy it – you won’t regret it.
And having said that … I know this is a sneaky fourth thing, but The Balm Instain Blushers are GORGEOUS. Amazingly pigmented and such pretty colours. I currently have two – Pinstripe and Argyle – but I WILL be collecting more.
I LOVE the packaging by The Balm too. So retro and pretty.
GlamEyes Liquid Eyeliner by Rimmel
This is an everlasting love of mine … the brush is fine, so it’s easy to apply and gives a lovely “flick” for those of us who love cat eyes (which in my case have to be bat eyes); it’s a lovely opaque black; it’s cheap, readily available and stays on super-well. And despite staying put so well, it’s easy to remove at the end of the day – *bonus*.
And here is the product I’ve bought lately that I definitely wouldn’t bother purchasing again.
Chi Chi Eye Brightener
Honestly, just don’t bother. I know I’m old and my eyes are probably not easily brightened, but I found this product basically useless. Which is sad, because I really wanted to like it. It didn’t apply easily; it didn’t make any discernible difference to how bright my eyes appeared and it didn’t last very long either. Now possibly I was expecting a miracle, but it sure ‘aint that – I’m just thankful it was under $20, so not a greatly expensive waste of money, although a waste of money all the same. Anyone reading have better results?
Have you ever given in to the hype, purchased something and then wondered what all the fuss was about? I’d love to hear about it!
Mumpty always has a number of things on her phone’s “watch list” – i.e. a list of purchases that would be made if there was lots of spare money running around in her wallet! Here is July’s list:
Black Opium by YSL – I am about to run out of my current perfume, and recently I caught a whiff of this one. Let me tell you – it is DIVINE. And by the way – have you heard about Makeup Your Mind (MYM Cosmetics)? It’s a new online makeup site that allows you to lay-buy your purchases – well actually, I guess it’s hire purchase, because once you’ve paid the first instalment, they’ll send you your goodies and you just keep paying each week until you’ve paid them off. Fabulous and tempting, yes – dangerous, maybe!
The lemon Jenny dress by Pinup Girl Clothing – of course there will always be a PUG Jenny of some description on my want list – and this month it’s the lemon one – which is due for release next week. I also want the red. OK – and the pink. And the blue.
BAIT Robbie Purple Starlets – because, purple and because, sparkly. And they will look fab with my purple Jenny, not to mention you can never have too many shoes. Ever.
Range Rover Evoque – OK, so this is definitely a Lotto one, but I would be out purchasing it like a shot if that were to happen!
Lifeproof case in purple – so, keeping it a bit more real, one of these. In my colour du jour – well, of the year really.
This post was inspired by the “summer essentials” tag I did last summer. Anyway, because I enjoyed putting that one together so much, I decided to do a winter version … and here it is!
1) What is your ultimate winter party season lip product?
Jeffree Star’s Velour Liquid Lipstick in Red Rum. Sooooo good for that glamorous pop of red that is absolutely necessary for a winter party outfit! If you’re interested, I did a review on it a while ago and it gets viewed over and over again!
2) What is your essential product for winter?
Agadir Argan Oil spray treatment – I LOVE THIS STUFF! I have very fine hair, and I can use this beautiful light spray liberally and it never seems to weigh it down or make it look oily; but it does leave it looking shiny and silky and holds the flyways down. I get it from my hairdresser and it’s a godsend. It also smells divine.
3) What’s next on your wish list?
When I saw this Shiseido Synchro Skin foundation on makeup blogger, Kirsty Leigh, from Makeup Obsessives, I knew I had to try it! I have been a Shiseido user from way back and have always loved it, so I popped into the Shiseido counter and got a wee tester. And guess what? It is BRILLIANT, so I’m off to buy the full-sized version …
4) Name one beauty essential that is never missing from your handbag during the colder months. A Nivea Lip Butter of some description – I HATE having dry lips, so I always keep one of these in my handbag. My current favourite is the Vanilla Macadamia one, but next up is going to be the Caramel Cream for sure! There’s just one minor irritation with these cute wee tins – sometimes they’re hard to open so they’re probably not ideal if you have false nails.
5) What are your winter weather skincare saviours?
Regular home facials (I alternate between the Manuka Doctor apiclear Purifying Facial Peel and the Manuka Doctor apinourish Rejuvenating Face Mask) and lots of moisturiser! I use Nivea Soft moisturiser because it’s cheap, but it’s also the best one I’ve found for my skin, so why turn your nose up just because it’s cheap right?! I also do an at-least-weekly hair mask – I like Lush’s H’Suan Wen Hua mask – it leaves my hair feeling fabulous.
6) What is winter going to smell like this year?
It’s smelling like Viktor & Rolfe Flower Bomb!
7) What’s your favourite winter makeup tip?
If you’re using a foundation brush to apply your foundation, buff it in as much as you can with your brush, and then follow up LIGHTLY with a slightly damp Beauty Blender to make sure all the little nooks and crannies are smooth and blended.
8) What are you greatest winter indulgences? ♥ Soy cappuccinos at Punnet and Two Birds @ Narrows Landing♥ lazy internet browsing ♥ Snuggling up on the couch in a soft blanket reading a good book ♥ Watching Crime TV on a Sunday afternoon while doing the ironing for the week ♥ B.A.I.T shoes in jewel and pastel colours ♥ Winter frocks ♥ Emerald Dita cardies.
9) LUSH winter – your top pick?
A French Kiss Bubble Bar … this looks and sounds like a real treat! It has calming rosemary and lavender which is perfect for potentially stressed and dry winter skin.
10) Name one (or more) random winter essentials. ♥ Beautiful pashminas in gorgeous jewell colours to add warmth and pizazz to your outfit, without bulk. ♥ Jewell-coloured berets – I have a teal one winging it’s way to me now! ♥ Polkadots on everything! ♥Brooches – always gorgeous on winter ensembles … here’s my latest one – the Audrey brooch by Deer Arrow – she even has a sparkly crown!
Mumpty loves a bit of fiction – she also loves a bit of burlesque. So here’s a wee combination of these two loves – and who better on which to base some light-hearted stories, than four of Auckland’s curious creatures of burlesque: Duchess deBerry; Lilly Loca; Heidi Heart and Leda Petit.
The Duchess was French of course. She owned a small, 17th century chateau named La Roche-Sur-Yon, but she refused to live in it because it didn’t have a private theatre – and what use was a chateau if it didn’t have a private theatre? Of course she could have applied to her local “consiel” for consent to add one, but that seemed tiresome, and the Duchess didn’t do tiresome.
So instead she spent her time wandering gaily around the world with just her credit card, a hat box and a battered Louis Vuitton suitcase. She attended the opera in Versaille and the bull-running in Spain but found neither to her taste.
So she took up singing in smoky jazz lounges; the seedier the better – the money was poor, but it was good for her soul. And anyway – she’d had the forethought a couple of years earlier to marry a very wealthy art collector. He had lovely manners, and was therefore happy to share his fortune with his young and beautiful wife, while not requiring her to share much of anything with him.
The Duchess smiled happily as she ordered a champagne cocktail – her set had gone well and now she was back in the bar of her favourite hotel in Naples chatting to an alarmingly handsome stranger – she really did love her life these days.
Lilly Loca was a time traveller. She’d travelled from 1920’s New York – where she’d been a luminary of stage and screen, performing to packed audiences and leaving a trail of broken hearts everywhere she went – to Auckland, New Zealand, 2016.
One evening in 1924, after a lot of very expensive champagne, she’d taken a wrong turn down a long, dimly lit hallway of the New York Baltimore Hotel, and had found herself in a musty room that smelt like it had been locked for centuries. Just as she turned to find her way out, she had spotted a glorious-looking red door with a gilt frame which practically begged her to turn the handle. And Lilly, being both adventurous and tipsy, did exactly that.
After falling for what felt like ten minutes, she jolted to a stop and found herself in a very strange, yet familiar-feeling place. Blue, tube-like things proclaimed her destination in twirling writing as “Privé” – it looked very much like the Baltimore’s “Kiss Bar,” but there was lots of stuff called “technology” that Lilly wasn’t used to. Still, everyone at Privé looked and behaved in pretty much the same manner as her 20’s theatre family had, so she decided to stay.
Being an adaptable soul, Lilly soon adjusted to her new environment – she got herself an iPhone, a FitBit and even one of those new-fangled Spotify playlists where she played Bowie’s “Lazarus” on endless repeat.
She just had a niggling worry that she might have left her diary on the hotel bed in 1924, and there were things in there she’d kinda wanted to keep secret …
Heidi Heart had a very dark secret. It was something she’d tried hard to resist and she’d certainly never planned to tell anyone – it was HER dark secret. The problem had arisen when Valentine, her husband, had come home to their New York apartment early one day from an interstate trip and found her. The look of sheer horror on his face – before he turned and headed wordlessly for the door – haunted her even now, three years later.
Shaking, she’d packed it all away when he walked out and prepared herself for the inevitable fallout when he told their friends. She knew her social position, if not her entire life, would be ruined – but she’d known there was that possibility right from the start – and she had been prepared to take the risk.
Valentine never told their friends – he was probably too embarrassed – and they’d never discussed it; not once. Their marriage was now just a marriage in name though.
In her darkest, most self-destructive moments since Valentine’s discovery, she occasionally thought bitterly that it had been in the privacy of her own bedroom hadn’t it? It hadn’t actually hurt anyone. It wasn’t fair that he had rejected her so completely since that fateful day. Although, in her more lucid moments, she’d had to admit to herself that it wasn’t just that one time. She’d done it before – why she’d even performed a seductive striptease wearing men’s clothes as part of the fantasy. But there were worse things than that weren’t there?
Yes, Heidi – there are – but not many. Can you guess Heidi’s secret? Well, I’ll tell you – she’s a bloody Justin Bieber fan.
Leda Petit was an assassin. Only two people in the world knew this – which, when you’re an assassin – is a very good thing.
She hadn’t meant to become an assassin, it’s just that she’d had a boyfriend once who had proved very, very hard to shake once she’d got sick of him and in the end, she’d had to just “make him disappear.” A few months after that, she got a call from a mysterious gentleman who offered her $200K to make another gentleman disappear – he’d been good for the money and Leda rather liked her new $195K Mercedes (she’d spent the rest at Louboutin) so the next time he called, she was happy to “talk turkey,” so to speak.
The lifestyle wasn’t all bad actually – she seemed to spend a lot of time in bars drinking champagne out of shoes, smoking and looking authoritative, while she kept an eye on her “mark.” She loved the feel on her skin of the cold blade under her garter belt, and had grown fond of it’s reassuring weight. She also rather enjoyed the seduction, particularly if her mark was good-looking, but in the end there was a job to be done, and Leda was a consummate professional in that regard.
Leda always bought herself a little something special after each hit; a big solitaire here, a Birkin handbag there – she did it out respect for her mark really. She was nothing if not respectful, our Leda.
Sophie Elliott – how her death could just as easily have been your own – or your daughter’s …
On 9 January 2008, this beautiful and intelligent woman, with a wonderful childhood behind her and a promising adult life ahead of her, was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend … in her own home, while her mother was there.
Now – 8 years later – one NZ woman still dies every 26 days at the hand of a violent partner – which means that over 100 women have died since Sophie’s murder. New Zealand has one of the highest rates of domestic violence in the world.
Recently I attended “An Evening with Lesley Elliott.” Lesley is not only Sophie’s mother, she is an incredibly brave and strong woman who has made it Sophie’s legacy to raise the awareness of all young women, and their families and friends, of the signs of partner abuse through the Sophie Elliott Foundation.
Lesley says at the time of Sophie’s murder, neither she nor Sophie really understood that Sophie was in an abusive relationship. She didn’t like Clayton Weatherston and neither did any of Sophie’s friends, but they didn’t realise Sophie was actually in danger – until it was far too late.
Now Lesley travels the length and breadth of the country helping make young women and their families aware of the signs of abuse that she and Sophie missed.
I implore you to visit the Sophie Elliott Foundation website and to find out more about what they do – there are all sorts of valuable resources on there and I have singled out a few that really hit home for me with a young daughter who ***OMG we’re not ready for that*** will be dating in the not-too-distant future.
Check out the “Power & Control Dating Wheel” below – it summarises the characteristics of an out-of-control relationship
How Sophie’s murderer personified these characteristics …
Power and control– he told Sophie she wasn’t bright enough (she earned a first class honors degree in Economics); needed to lose weight and inferred she wasn’t good-looking enough for him. This was Sophie below – hardly overweight was she? And although I wouldn’t grace him with a photo here, let’s just say he was way out of his league with Sophie in the first place.
Possessiveness – he wanted to know where Sophie was at all times, yet didn’t feel she needed to know anything about his whereabouts.
Isolates you – he isolated Sophie from her friends – none of whom liked him. I’d like to say here – if your family and friends don’t like him, there’s a good chance you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him.
Threats – he was emotionally and verbally abusive to Sophie on numerous occasions.
Suicide threats – I don’t know about this one, as of course I never knew Sophie and am only going on what Lesley told us at the meeting, but men who make suicide threats and say things like “If you leave me, I will hurt myself” are often only trying to manipulate you to suit themselves.
Changeable/volatile behaviour – Sophie never knew whether he really liked her or not. He was into the relationship one day, then cold as ice the next. Nothing was ever his fault – it was always Sophie’s. Lesley said Sophie couldn’t understand him, and always wanted to try and change him.
Sexual– on one occasion, only days before Sophie’s murder, he tried to force her to have sex with him. Thankfully Sophie escaped, but sadly, didn’t press charges.
Physical abuse – nothing needs to be said here, considering Sophie is no longer with us.
Communication– he was haphazard and unreliable – he wouldn’t reply to Sophie’s texts for hours and wouldn’t always answer her calls. She felt insecure because of that behaviour.
According to the Sophie Elliott Foundation website, 15-24 year old women are at the most risk of psychological, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of a partner.
The Sophie Elliott Foundation, in association with the New Zealand Police, also runs a full-day educational course for Year 12 students called Loves-Me-Not (a play on the “He loves me; he loves me not” game.) The course is very interactive and is designed to make students aware of what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for Lesley Elliott – no one would blame her if she just sat back and grieved for Sophie – and of course she and her family will do that for the rest of their lives. What is amazing about Lesley is that over and over again, she re-lives that horrible day and she does it so that other families won’t have to.
Sophie and Lesley were very close, and if two highly-intelligent women like that weren’t able to see the signs of an abusive and dangerous relationship, then there are going to be others in the same situation. The signs often start subtly and build from there. In the book that students receive free of charge via the Loves-Me-Not course , there are two blank pages; one to write down what you see as the characteristics of a healthy relationship and the other to revisit and write down the characteristics of your current relationship as a comparison. If it doesn’t compare well – get help.
Thank God for the Lesley Elliott’s of this world – they are courageous enough to try to make change in the face of an horrific personal situation. It’s just unbearably sad they were put in that situation in the first place.
Do yourself and your family a favour … visit the website and educate yourself so that neither you, nor your daughter, ever end up like Sophie.
These are the things Mumpty loves this week – 25/05/2016
Well, well, well – it’s been quite a while since I posted here on MumptyStyle … I’ve been a busy little thing! Sooo … in order to right that wrong, I decided to kick things off again with a good old MumptyLoves. So let’s get into it!
♥ My new Paris Jenny dress by Pinup Girl Clothing
Who wore it better – Doris or Mumpty? Haahhaaa … I know it was Doris, but still – it is a GREAT dress and I love it to bits. One feels a bit like a princess in it, and really – I think it needs to be worn in Paris right? Goals …
♥ The Balm – The Manizer Sisters palette
I’m going to share the love again for this little palette because it really is the.bee’s.knees. I use it every single day and wouldn’t be without it. For a while – before they did the palette and I got all three – I was really confused about which of the Manizers to get, but now I know for sure – it’s Cindy. The others are beautiful, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that Cindy rules and I hit pan on her waaaaay before the other two. Also, the review post I did on this palette seems to get loads of views and that is exciting!
♥ Maybelline Lust for Blush lipstick
I got this in a Beauty Box from Makeup Obsessives (you can read about them here) and oh.em.gee – it is THE BEST! I like to think of it as one of those “your own lip colour but better” colours. Now I might be being overly optimistic about my own lip colour but look – if you can get your mitts on it – do it! You won’t regret it.
♥ These pics …
This picture … whilst it’s a pretty terrible one of me, it is gorgeous one of my beautiful friend, Miss Monique Sweet, at she and Sam’s engagement party recently. I love it because it’s so happy. (Thank you wonky belt – you really add that something special to my look.)
And speaking of happy … here is one of the happy couple:
And … their engagement cake – how cool is that?!
♥ The Cherry Dollface
The Cherry Dollface. Because she’s just cool. And I am SERIOUSLY jealous of that “do” of her’s. And … she travels the world doing pinup hair and makeup and that’s not the worst job in the world is it? And also, she was cool enough to agree to an interview about Nerdy Tudor Stuff with me and I love her for that!
♥ The obligatory Louboutins …
Yes – every MumptyLoves MUST have a pair of Louboutins. And here they are – the Soustelissimo.
These shoes make Mumpty’s little heart sing. Because:pink. Because:heel. Because:flash of red sole. Because: gold glitter. Because:hot pink patent. Dear God.